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I'm afraid

So, there's this one boy. He can make you laugh, he can make you cry. But it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to you is that he can make you happy. But what if somebody, somebody like god, doesn't want this. Like, everytime you have the chance to be with him, it's away, only because of something stupid. Something what you can't really influence. I mean, yes, you can influence a lot, but somethings don't and that are the reasons why there aren't the chance to be with him, to be in his arms, to hear his voice, to hear when he says your name. And maybe these reasons make you more unhappy than other things, because you can imagine what would have happened, but it has not happened, so maybe this is what really hurts you, the fact that it could have happened, but it has not happened. And the feeling, that you have, when you know, you could be in his arms, for example, but you aren't in his arms, that's something what you can't describe, a feeling that isn't really nice. Actually it's really bad. But the truth is, you can't do something against this feeling. And sometimes feelings, you can't describe, hurt you more than feelings like a bad grade or something. I'm used to that, used to have sometimes bad grades or other things, but i'm not used to have the feelings, that you have, when you knew, you could lie in his arms, to talk with him, but you aren't there. And these are things, that are really hurting me. The things, why i love to be in my bed, to lie there and don't go anywhere. Acually, that's really stupid, but maybe the real reason why i don't want to go somewhere, is because i'm afraid of fallin in love. Of loving him. Because i know he can hurt me. Any maybe that's the real reason, i'm always home. Not always, but most of the time. Because i'm afraid. Afraid of so many things, and i can't avoid. I'm afraid.

 

xoxo Saskia

5.4.15 16:03

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